It is tough being a parent. Even while you are just thinking about it, knowing that you have to take care of another person, perhaps two or three more, can make anyone run for the hills and think twice in doing it.
I saw couples who are married for a few years but still do not have children due to their consensus. We cannot blame them for such an agreement because indeed, nobody can deny the life-altering shift of becoming a parent. You need to be ready both emotionally, mentally, and physically. You must accept that it will change the course of your life because on most occasions, you will have to create decisions apart from your own.
Nevertheless, the preparation and acceptance cannot overcome the fear of having the responsibility and parents still find themselves in a roller coaster most of the time.
But, imagine how it feels like NOT to prepare and expect becoming a parent. Imagine what it is like for a young person to be a parent in an instant.
The great burden of thinking about it creates a chilling effect that you can dare say, “I am lucky that I am not in that situation”. But, lucky for you and unlucky for many of us, there are indeed young parents who went through such circumstances, and oftentimes they do not want it.
I was at my University, absorbing all the arm-twisting load of being a college student when after a mandatory pee or two, I saw two straight lines that automatically changed my life from a struggling student into a fast-forwarding life of a mother. It was confusing, frightening, and all the negative emotions you could think of wrapped in one explosive instance.
My boyfriend (and now my husband, thank God!) was shocked after hearing the news. We were clueless about what we have to do. Both of us are still studying our degrees and it will still take a few years before we graduate and find a job.
How are we to manage all of these obligations when a bigger and much heavier responsibility is coming our way?
We were a cry for help. Nobody knew what we were going through, nobody had the slightest idea of what is going on. And creating a decision during those times would certainly lead to a flop. It was a stroke of ill-luck for us.
I went to school with a fully loaded mind of my present state. I cannot concentrate but I pulled myself out of bed just to fulfill my responsibilities. I ran around to attend to all my classes and accomplish my school papers. Who knows what will become of me and my pregnant condition? At that moment, I was caught in between extremities, of wanting to focus on my studies but needing to attend to my physical state, of asking my loved ones for help but frightened of the accusations, of desiring to stop and just cry and cry but afraid for people to judge me.
How can a person live in such conditions? How can a vulnerable, naive, and less-experienced human being go through all the emotional burst?
The beauty of every story is the complexity of the simple things. Each story tells of something not uncommon in a person’s life yet the emotions and realizations placed into words create a density that is entirely beautiful.
I cannot say that my experience is unique and only for me. There are surpassing incidents in the world that are more difficult than what I have been through. Still, I understand that while it is as simple and usual, the stitching of events makes it worthwhile to tell.
Several years after I learned that I was pregnant, I could not help but wonder the emotions I felt in those times. How afraid was I? How painful was the news for me? How despairing and hopeless did I become?
I knew of my actions but the feelings were something of a memory, negative sensations in my body that I gradually forgot through the years. As I watched my baby grow up and relish every second, I thought my life was always pleasant.
It is indeed true that a mother instantly forgets the labor pains she went through seeing the lovely face of her child in her arms.
It was the same for me. The hurtful months of carrying the burden of unexpected and early pregnancy slowly dissolved in my body system and was replaced by the delightful memories I made with my baby. I am relieved. I am happy.
Your story, no matter how you see it, is a tale not to be buried or set aside. It may not be symmetrical to what the world sees as the perfect order, but there is always beauty to things different. Yours is as fascinating as any other.
Young as you are, there is still hope for every given situation in your life. Hope fosters our energy to do things, to care for our loved ones, to pull ourselves up, and to change where we are heading. What you are going through is not the end and by far may not always be the worst. Learn to see the good things.
Stay hopeful, young parents!