“Was it hard?”
“How did they react?”
“How did you tell them?”
These are the questions that you will hear from people when you bring up your family in the story of your unexpected pregnancy. If you are caught in an unplanned pregnancy and add in that you are a teenager, people would ask you questions about how you have told your family about your situation.
It’s intriguing, not-your-usual good news announcement, and an added spice to your emotionally packed teenage pregnancy story. Not knowing what to do after finding out you are pregnant is the first challenge. The second one? Telling your family about it.
The first time I suffered from an unusual nausea one morning brought a fast heartbeat and a stream of “what-happens-now” questions. My train of thought began with “Why am I nauseated?” stopping at “Am I pregnant?” then picking up the pace in “What if I am? What am I going to do?” and ending with a crash in “How will I tell my parents?”
Now, that train of thought gave an aftermath of insecurity, confusion, and a lot of anxiety, which gave me the worst feeling than what I am supposed to. After confirming my pregnant state, I had no choice but to validate all the train wreck in my previous thoughts and trying to find a solution or perhaps any action at all from my cluttered mind.
Knowing that you are in a wreck and it will disappoint the people you can count on does not give any assurance or hope to your situation. It only makes you feel worse.
I did not know what to do next. I was too young, still dependent on my parents though I can stand on my own, and inexperienced with caring for a baby. I was clueless but I was more afraid of what my parents would think of me, of seeing their disappointed faces, of absorbing their hatred and anger.
They Will Understand…
It took me nearly five months of hiding my pregnancy, an unsuccessful abortion, and an attempted elopement before I had the courage to talk to my parents. I was sure they would not understand me.
Yes, I was right but I was also wrong. I was right in thinking that my parents will be frustrated at me after hearing the news. Right that I will feel their rage for days, weeks, months, or even years. Right that they no longer trusted me and will be furious with my boyfriend.
But, I was wrong in thinking that they do not want to accept me anymore. Wrong in thinking that they do not understand me or will not support me in my condition. Wrong that they will reject me, not love me anymore, and leave me to deal with the problem myself.
Yes, my parents were angry but they were also hurt because they trusted me to take care of myself. They trusted me to do better for my future and not to make it more complicated and difficult for my own sake. Ironically, now that I am a parent, I fully understand how they felt.
Any parent loves their children; no matter what they do or what age they are now. The love of a parent is long lasting, unbreakable, and stronger than you can imagine. If I had gathered all my guts and wits to tell my parents about my pregnancy after five months of hiding, I know that you can and will have the courage to talk to them as well.
So, Where to Start?
Before anything else, I would like to say that we have different kinds of parents. While we picture all parents to be loving and supportive, we cannot discount the fact that there are parents who, unfortunately, abuse their children.
If you happen to be in this kind of situation, being outright honest to your parents about your unexpected early pregnancy can bring up a bad outcome rather than a good one. Talk to another trusted relative first before going to your parents. Ask for help from people whom you think will help you handle your pregnancy while also assist you in telling your parents without hurting you in the process.
If you are ready to talk to your family about your pregnancy, take note of these tips below.
Make it a priority. Remember, time is running fast and soon you will realize that you are already five months pregnant and you have not told your parents yet. (I did and I was lucky my belly looked like I was just full from lunch buffet.)
Plan your talk. Prepare what you have to say. It will give you more confidence when you actually talk to them. Think of how you will relay the news. Also, think about your decision, whether to keep the baby or have him or her adopted, whether you and your partner will marry and start a family or not, and whether you will continue with your studies or focus on your baby. These are important decisions to make and your parents will likely ask you about it.
Prepare yourself for their reaction. Your parents will get angry, will be disappointed, and will throw fits at you more than you expected. They may even make hasty decisions driven by the surge of emotions in their heart. It will happen because they are hurt. But, be patient. Understand their emotions and where their anger comes from.
Practice it with someone who cares. You can talk to your friend, or your grandparents, or whomever you can trust. Practicing how to talk to your parents will give you a clear picture on what will happen.
Set the talk in a good place. Do it in a private place where you can openly and comfortably talk about your pregnancy and your parents can express their emotions properly. Also, set the right time when they are not too tired and stressed out from their work.
Do it with your partner. Talking to your parents together leaves an impression of maturity and loyalty. It sends a message that you are both in the situation together and that you are serious about it. Being there with your partner also gives you someone that will be on your side.
Stay calm. It is a difficult moment for you but being calm and patient will make things better.
Go straight to the point. They may already anticipate the bad news based on your sudden need of confession so avoid talking too much and go straight to telling them of your unexpected pregnancy.
Give your parents time to absorb the news. It is also tough for them to hear that their child is pregnant at the wrong time. Their aspirations and dreams for you may flash before them and dissolving to a picture of you pregnant at a young age. It will be difficult but their love will surpass in the end and everything will be okay.
There Will Be More Talks!
It will take a lot of time for your parents to get over the fact that you are pregnant at a teenage year. Expect that they will continue to talk to you about your plans or even about how they feel about it. Apart from that, you can also expect loved ones to come and talk to you. It will be a challenge to deal with all the emotions not just your own.
But, understand that all these are driven by the truth that these people love you and care for you. Their being hurt and disappointed confirms that they wanted what is best for you and do not want you ending in a difficult situation that may compromise your future.
Be brave and gather up all your strength. Your parents will be angry, no doubt, but they will still love you no matter what. They will always support you. Be with them because even if you did this mistake and want to make it right, choosing to be alone and running away from them will break their hearts more. Despite the hurt, they will always choose to be there with you.
Find courage dears!
If you told your parents about your pregnancy, we would love to know what happened. Share your story with us in the comments below! We are here to listen. 🙂